Ketchup Checkup

“David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! ⁶ He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.” Then Nathan said to David, ‘You are the man!’”

(2 Sam. 12:5-7a)

“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” (Prov. 27:6)

 

If I cannot see the ketchup stain that’s right under my chin, I am not going to do anything about it.

Recently I had a mentoring meeting in which 3 of my mentors spent 2 hours working with me on character development, or unnoticed ketchup stains. Yes, they pointed out areas that are natural strengths and areas that have gone through improvement, but it was them pointing out the 27 year old ketchup stains that blessed me more than they will ever know.

Living this proverb, “Better is open rebuke then hidden love,” (Prov. 27:5) is easier said than practiced. But the goal of honest checkups must remain clear: growth in our maturity in Christ.

I know a dorm of guys that took Prov. 27:5 seriously and as an application decided to take their turns sitting in the middle of a group, so that the rest of the dorm could name the attributes and blinds spots of the person in the middle. I am not sure if that degree of openness is the best option for every dorm context (that being said, 3 years after graduation these guys are still best friends!), but I admired their courage to apply Scripture and speak the truth boldly and honestly to one another.

Few people in the world have the boldness of the prophet Nathan. You and I must take the initiative to invite wise people to speak into our lives.

Consider approaching wise and trusted friends with the question, “What am I doing that promotes the flourishing of this team or of this dorm?” “What am I doing that hinders flourishing?”

What if you are the one invited to give the ketchup checkup?

Throughout the Proverbs wisdom is the constant companion to correction (cf. 1:23; 3:11). The two go hand in hand. Honest communication ought to have proper content, context and purpose: the content brief, the context safe and the listener able to detect neither frustration nor arrogance. A gentle and prayerful posture, coming from a heart of deep, immovable love is difficult to reject.

What gives us the strength to do these checkups?

We are in the Lamb. In the Lamb we are holy (Heb. 10:14) and in the Lamb we are free from the need to run in fear of what we know is being washed and made new.

So why not take a risk and ask a dear friend to do a ketchup checkup?

...just because I can’t see the ketchup, doesn’t mean others don’t.